A tribute, to my dear cousin Aaron~

Connecting...

Here I sit... waiting to connect, feeling although, my life has been wrecked.

the girl I care about, no longer wishes me around, although I still love her, I will say nothing, not a peep, not a sound.

my cyber reality, in it's arms it holds me tight, holds me from these tears, that I try and fight.

my emotions growing strong, I wish but one thing... what happened? what went wrong?

was it all to much? did I try to hard? I sit not longer whole, a single broken shard.

my reality harsh, and almost to much to bare. I deal with it my own way, at my screen, I will stare.

staring away from what will hurt me, and away form what has already left it's mark . For once I log on, a journey I will embark. 

a character yes, someone who I wish to be me. some one strong, someone powerful, for the hurt and the doubt... I will no longer see.

pretending you say, and you would be right. but who wants to deal? when you do not have to fight.

my life, yes it is messed. and that is why it must be suppressed. if I let it all out, if I let my heaven go. my life as you know it, you will no longer know.

you see I do this because I must, if I no longer suppress them, my emotions they will rust. that's all they will be, a rusty knife on the floor, because you will now see, my life will be no more.

a pool of blood, I did not leave a note. though you can guess how I died, a trail from my wrist, a trail from my
throat. Some may just ask, how I have died, and though it will pain you, you must tell them... suicide.

Connection... Lost

 ATTENTION!!

I am looking for more to do this New year then stay home, This is a Party SOS, if you have something going down and would like (or will take) one extra person, Please! contact me. TombSoldier is my AIM, I will be checking back here frequently, so Please, Help a partiless man in need.

After long Last... I am back.

The reason being for my prolonged absence: I had an infection. much the equivalent to the Flu, I was out of commission for a time. Antibiotics, Sleep, and much more food than I was previously consuming. I am back and already chomping at the bit to go. So expect a fair more entries from me. I am already looking into getting space for my Audio salections. That's all I have for you for now...

„¤BCN„£

Ok my fine fallowers, you've probably been waiting for an update... will here one is:

As usual, a lot has happend since my last updat but unfortunatly I do not rmemember it all.  Something only last a few days before you forget them so much you don't remember enouhg to wright about it. Now I could try and rmember but it would be so cup and gapped it wouldn't really be up my usual standard which I implament for your enjoy -and enlighten-ment. So I believe I will start with Today. After going to bed about 4am atfer falling asleep on my desk; my lap; Almost ym floor and while standing brushing my teeth (Yes folks Standing!) I desided it was Nappy nappy for this sorry sunuhahbech. I had not gotten much sleep because I set my alarm for about... 8 to 9am. This way I have enouhg time to get ready and take a Shower and get ready (when int eh 8am setting) Well being as it was sleep was not gatherd in mass quantities that night, I was Damn groggy and got up about 9:40am, still enouhg time but I had to hussle. Dressed some Toast and I was out teh door. The bus ride was infact... Rather enjoyable this time. For teh celibration date of my coming into teh realm of existance... my father had gotten me Linkin Park & Jay Z; Collision Corse. Damn... Shits hot, Really like the combonation of Alt Rock Meets Hip Hop, Vary good. Had that jelly playing so it was all gravya dn biscuts. Work it's self was alright. Make sandwiches, Help customers, Clean. Usual set of things. Al's not to brigt on the whole Treating Employees as Equals thing... My coworker was dman near redy to get Ghetto Bitch Slap Grab and run 7-11 cash snatch on that fool. Simple put... When in rome.. do as the romans do. Do not bring your homeland with you... but also don't forget it.hmm... Nice lil saying -but Yes back on topic. Sandwichiches bitchesmayondslkmusatdfukc I hate this shitholejob  blah jbsksda kl jk yeah what ever...After wokr I had to get as Early a buss as posibal, Because instead of Class tongith, there was a Open House / Pot Luck, and I didn't know what I was going to bring and or make. Once home was talkingto the Mom bout it, We were going to stop at a Deli or something nad get some food, but I pointed out we had thes Orange-esk Fruits and could take some of those, Blam. But some of those ina  bowl, got my shit together (Clean shirt and something nice that buttons up) All set ta go, sam showed up not long after word. Mom wanted to come to so we got up and headed there. Arived a little late but was no problem. I was Vary supprised at the amazing turnout we had... I mean shit... bout 80 fuckin' people here. Was food for ALL though. I was stuffed like a Turkey yo. at about 6 aclock people started leaving (I mean come one, It's mainly kids and family, Home work and early bed for school is there life) was still a fair about that stayed around. Not long after words my Cousin showed up. Talked a bit, then he pulled out these 2 gifts for me, said to read teh card first -Which I did. He had gotten me this Mini Zen garden... Complete with Crane, 2 buildsing rocks, and a mini rakc for all my Zenful cultivating needs~. Also, he had burned me All 4 Rammstein CDs... this is the Hard Core German shit baby -Quick note while ont eh subject of Shit and German: Taking a crap while listening to Rammstein make the whole experince much more enjoyable, I mean it's asthough teh turds want to come out and party, little fuckers better not start moshing in my colen cause uuggh, that shit'd get Ugly. After I cleaned up some and helped out a bit, the people had long despersed and was jsut the adult studenst adn staff. My cousin had wanted to take em to out for Ice Cream after words, was while before I left but got all the stuff taken care of that needed to be. So off we go accross teh street (Long ass tripo huh?) He got a sammich and I a cone (Already eaten a whole plate of food and a fair share of a 2 letter soda... I was cramed, but had room for the cone) After our mini meal, we left for his friends.Apon ariving we find the house (and our) friend was there. So we jsut kick back and play around. I had brought my Tech Decks so those were All Up in that joint. The counter a slick palace of spins kick tricks and mahem, the coffee table a feild of grinds big air and many do overs. But none the less... shit was fun. The dog was all weird that ngith, so we go and play with em outside... Damn that fucker can run. I nearly had em once. Dog was round the tree then under teh carr ove teh bush than back at teh tree... hes fast. Was gettin' later so we headed back to my place. I had my cousin's Gift... but was planning on giving it to him sometime Closer to christmas, but sence he gave me mine early... i gave him his. I didn't have a lot to work with so I had to empromtu this shit. Was Klenex Tissue for papper, and Ordanary String as teh ribbin. I cut a piece of paper out, wrote a quick note, then wrapped it up. Walked out an gave it to em... limme jsut say this thouhg... doesn't matter what teh ooutside looks like... it's the inside that counts. but all in all he was Vary happy with his gift, so much infact he siad he'd have to get me like 6 more to make up for it, siad it was alright though... Now your probably wondering what i got him... so I'll tell you. Half Size Navy Blue Zippo Lighter... engraved on teh side: To My Brother, Double the love. It's our little saying ~_^

and on that happy note, I think I'll this little chapot in teh ever going saga know to us as.... Forest